Asperger's is a Gift

Life is all about the way you see it. This is how I see Asperger's. I do not see it so much as a disability, but an ability. I realize there are times when a lot of special help is needed for children and adults who have Asperger's in order to help them improve their strengths and social skills, but people who have Asperger's Syndrome see the world so differently than others, and thus are able to move beyond many things that hold the neurotypical brain back.

People with Asperger's are determined, think outside the box, and give immense focus to things they become enchanted with, thus creating solutions, art, beauty, scientific breakthroughs, and new technology, pushing on for the ultimate results.

Though they may be distracted by many people in a room, sensory issues, and things of this nature, when they choose to "focus in", everything around them becomes obsolete. When their intense interests and obsessions are channeled and guided properly, they are able to achieve amazing things.

It has often been said that people with Asperger's Syndrome may lack common sense, but I do not agree with this statement. People with Asperger's have plenty of common sense, it is just not the same type of "common" sense a person who would make that statement has! What is "common" to others is not the same as what is "common" to a person with Asperger's, as their minds operate at a totally different level all together.

People who have Asperger's are very unique, and their differences should be celebrated. I feel truly blessed to be touched by Asperger's.

Facebook and Autism Teachers

I've disappeared on the spot, so to speak from my office, quite a bit in the last couple of weeks in order to advocate for my soon to be 11 year old, who has Asperger's. I'd like to share with you a little story. I'm interested in your thoughts. Those of you who know me, know how I truly despise politics....

We have been blessed beyond measure in the last three years by my son's autism teacher in our local public school system. After having been through more public and private environments that didn't work for my son than I will even attempt to recount here, this program and this teacher in particular, has truly been a light on our path to an educational environment that has worked for my son.

When my son entered her classroom in second grade, we had just discovered he was dyslexic through a long road to finally being tested. He was still reading very little, and was failing to get the concept of spelling, although his vocabulary was enormous. Going into fifth grade in this coming school year, he now reads above grade level, because of the persistence of this teacher to help him and get him the right help.

He also has extreme sensory issues and extreme adhd tendencies, is easily bored, and has extreme anxieties, all of which in different parallels, created problems for him in almost every environment.

One of the reasons this particular school has worked for him, is it is very small. There are three high functioning autism "units" there. Teachers and students have become very aware of autism because of the teachers working together to create environments and situations for them that are doable, while being in regular classrooms.

Classroom sizes are small with only 12-14 students. In my son's regular classroom this year, I think, 6 of 14 are on the high functioning end of the spectrum. Those 6 children begin and end in the unit, test in the unit if need be, and receive various other one on one help in the unit. The program has worked beautifully for both my sons over the last three years and has truly been a blessing to us.

All that will change next year as the school system has decided to merge our elementary school with another elementary school this upcoming school year. 550 additional students will walk through the doors when school comes back in August, making the classroom sizes double, and causing collaborative teachers (5) to share a classroom next year.

In the midst of all this, Facebook became an issue for my older son's autism teacher. She had pictures of our children on Facebook, that she shared with all of us of the children at school, which I loved looking at! My son was smiling and laughing and he was at school!!!! After days in the past when I literally had to pull him from the car screaming to get him in a school building,(which I did not do for very long!) I celebrated that along with her, and was proud to see it!

Another teacher brought to the attention of the principal that our teacher had those pictures on facebook, and our beloved teacher, after being recommended for tenure back in March, was terminated.

All of the parents were simply devastated. We were all comforted that she, who knew all of our children so well, both their strengths and their weaknesses, would be with them for their last year of elementary school amidst all these sudden changes they would be going through.

We had all signed release forms, and not one parent had a problem with the fact that the pictures were there, but she was terminated for fear that one of us might sue the school system, since she identified herself as an autism teacher, and had pictures of the children in her class, thus identifying them as autistic.

I for one, do not have a problem with any of that. I am all for autism awareness, and am active in my local autistic community.

Although I am very aware of disability laws, as are the other parents, all of us felt she was covered by the release form for any media we all signed.

We rallied together as parents and supporters, and have attended meetings, written letters, addressed the board, and done everything in our power to fight for her the way she has fought for all of our children in the last three years.

The children who arrived in her classroom three years ago are a far cry from the children they have become through her guidance and help with social skills, coping strategies, special one on one help, advocating for them, teaching other teachers about autism, and the list goes on and on! Most importantly, her love for them and understanding of them, and her positive approach to guiding them has made an extreme difference in all of our lives.

And now we wait.

The Model Me Kids Social Network

Sue Klein, the owner and creator of a company called
Model Me Kids: Videos For Modeling Social Skills , whose main focus is teaching social skills to those on the autistic spectrum, has started a social network. Membership is already at 2000 people as of today, and is made up of parents, professionals in the field of autism, teachers, and others whose lives are affected by autism.

The network was created at Ning, is very easy to navigate, and is a wonderful place for parents to connect with other parents and professionals. Membership is free, and members are able to share videos, links, exchange information, send each other emails, create a page, add friends, and all things generally associated with social networks.

Many of us have found great support within the social network communities on the internet by connecting with other parents and professionals associated with autism and asperger's syndrome. It's great to see one evolve dedicated to autism.

Explore and join at http://modelmekids.ning.com

Give Them Knowledge

So often, we may find ourselves constantly scolding our Asperger's children for inappropriate comments and actions and telling them what is not appropriate in their behavior. Unfortunately, though, this does nothing whatsoever to help them learn what is appropriate!

The fact that Asperger's children do not learn social skills naturally can seem to completely escape us, when it has been a very frustrating day in dealing with a great deal of inappropriateness.

The most important thing to remember is the more information you share with them, including explanations and reasoning, as well as telling them what would have been a more appropriate thing to say or do, the more they are able to learn and grow through the social awkwardness that sets them apart from neuortypical children.

If you are not fortunate enough to be in a location where there is a good social skills program for children with Asperger's Syndrome that is actually within your reach of affordability, then it is up to you, as their parent and advocate to help them learn the appropriate social skills they will need to have productive adult lives.

Be as positive as possible with your child. Explain why the behavior or comment was not appropriate. Then give them examples of what might have been more appropriate. Children with Asperger's Syndrome desire to be liked, to have friends, and be able to make new friends as much as any neurotypical child, as they are typically very social, but in a different way. They just need more help in learning to navigate the social rules that seem invisible to them.

This is not something that they can help initially, or learn naturally, so punishing them for the behavior, is really not effective.

They can, however, and do desire, to learn to react and respond appropriately in all social situations, and the more appropriate behaviors they need, can become second nature to them once they learn them, just as they do naturally for neurotypical children.

Asperger's children need guidance. Be a positive guide.

AlphaSmart

My oldest son, who has asperger's syndrome, also has dyslexia and apraxia with very poor gross motor skills.

We have worked on his handwriting continuously since he was four years old to no avail of improvement.

As he is now about to be 11 years old, his school has begun trying other options for improving his work, and being able to read and grade his work, as they feel they will continue to get limited improvement.

He has begun using the AlphaSmart at school as a method of typing most of all of his answers, and printing them to hand in. He loves this option, as he is an avid technology buff who spends a lot of time on the computer at home.

It has made him less anxious and more excited about going to school since he began training on it in his current resource room. Before, he had a great deal of anxiety and frustration with his school work, even though his iq is very high. He often had things marked wrong because his answers couldn't be deciphered before using the AlphaSmart, thus his work did not reflect the grades that he should have been making in nearly all of his classes, including math.

If you have a child who has handwriting issues, and is able to type on a keyboard, I strongly urge you to try this option. The AlphaSmart is not very expensive, and can be hooked up to your home computer to even perform other tasks.

In many cases, grants can be obtained through your child's school system to cover the expense, or if your child is in private school, you may be able to obtain a personal education grant.

You can find more information on the AlphaSmart, direct from the manufacturer, here.

Reward Positive Behavior

If you want to see more positive behavior, then reward more positive behavior! Think backwards from the traditional views a great many of us were raised with such as punishing for negative behavior to get more positive behavior.

If punishing for negative behavior is your approach, and especially if it is your only approach, you will, no doubt, see more and more negative behavior that eventually will escalate completely out of control!

These children respond positively to positive and negatively to negative.

I have seen a great many parents completely exasperated because they cannot put enough "fear" into their children to make them mind. Let me assure you, they never will.

Children with asperger's syndrome and high functioning autism have within their spectrum of disorders, oppositional defiant disorder, which can be basically broken down to, the more opposition they reach, the more defiant they become.

Children with asperger's syndrome and high functioning autism, like all children, seek attention. Unlike other children, though, they have a much bigger lack of understanding in how to achieve getting that attention. They will take any attention they can get, even if it is negative attention.

Self esteem can come very hard for these children, especially if most everything they are met with in their lives is negative. Keep as much of their lives positive as you possibly can, as they struggle with the negative out in the world, already, more than they should!

Think Literally

Children with Asperger's Syndrome visualize things literally through your words. This can be a challenge for some to learn to think about phrases, idioms in their language, and metaphors in a different light.

Once a child recognizes these phrases, etc, and what is literally meant by them individually, you may find them using it themselves. Until then, though, it is imperative that you explain yourself literally when conversing with your asperger's child. You may otherwise find your child in the middle of a meltdown it takes forever to calm!

For instance, my oldest son, while in preschool had a horrendous meltdown that escalated to the point of throwing chairs because he became so frustrated after a time of the teacher continuously telling him to "Hold his horses.", and his continually becoming more and more anxious after running around and around the room looking for horses to hold, and not being able to find any!

His objective was to get done whatever it was she was wanting him to do, so he could tell her whatever it was that he wanted to tell her. So when she kept telling him that, with her effort being to get him to wait his turn to talk, he became more and more frustrated and out of control.

The preschool was at a total loss as to why he was behaving that way. I was working from home literally across the street from the preschool in an effort to make a work day work out, because no matter where we had him, there were constant meltdowns and constant misunderstandings.

These were things that became very loud clues in my sons life pointing to asperger's syndrome.

Your child may not always be able to express to you his non understanding. This is somewhat a misconception about asperger's syndrome, in my opinion. People expect, because they are usually huge talkers about their interests, and seem to be able to communicate effectively, that they would be able to express that.

It may feel time consuming to constantly be explaining language to your child, however, the alternative can be major meltdowns!

My son's favorite phrase as four, was, "Why can't people just say what they mean!"